我們愛‧因神先愛我們

 This is a story about how my dramatic life be changed by God. I am born in a kind of half Christian family. The reason why I say “kind of half” is my father doesn’t have baptism but he went to church with his family. My parent, younger brother and I joined to church once a year with grandparents. For me, church just a place providing lots of free food. 

  My father is an eye doctor. Basically being a doctor is most people’s top wish in Taiwan. In 1996, when I was in 2nd grade, I was noticed that I got bad eyes. I still could remember all the people include my teacher said to me, “how could an eye doctor’s child get weak eyes?” My dad didn’t encourage me but punish, hit me and keep saying I let him feel ashamed. That was the first scar and the biggest one with my dad.

  Due to that, I realized I can’t find love, confident and belonging in my family. So I switched to seek from outside. I rarely turned back home but just hanging out with friends. I hate my dad, I hate why I don’t have a warm family like others. I thought I could live without them. I hided my dad’s job and started to lie. I became an easy angry person at home but always pretend a lovely girl in school. My life was dark. I felt extremely lost .

When I was in middle school in 2002, I was kicked off by my original own group because there were couple girls didn’t like me. They persuaded all the classmates to bully me, everyone betrayed me, nobody talked to me. In this case, I learned there is no one I could trust. Friendship isn’t forever. I sank to terrible Depression.

  While I entered high school, I thought there’s one thing left I could try is seeking a boy for marriage, building my own new family. Finally I got a boyfriend in my senior year, he was the one I thought we would marry and happy forever. The entire sweet dream broke while he told me he had someone else. My whole world crushed. I couldn’t help but crying every day.

   One day, one of my friends invited me to a church by our school. That was a turning point. I still remembered I was so touched every time while I worshiped God. The lyric said how God loves me and will never leave me. I started to join the youth group. I accepted Jesus as my savior in 2006.

   However, I didn't live in Christ and good Christian life after then. I was lost again about 4 years. During my college years, I still sought for love from boys, friends, alcohols, sexual, internet and so on. There was a huge black hole in my mind. My depression was getting worse and worse.

   God’s power works best in weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong. The beginning of last year 2011, I faced a terrible situation again. My life seemed hopeless and strongly out of control. Every day Santa kept whispering me to commit suicide myself, ending up my life. I struggled a lot. My parents noticed my weakness, especially my dad. He started to text me bible verse to encourage me.God changed the relationship between me and my dad.God also helped me to forgive my dad.My dad said sorry to me last year.

  My mom and my brother, Bob, concerned about me.I experienced something different in my family. God sent angels around me to help me go through the darkness. My church family kept praying for me. I got a baptism on Mar.27 2011. 1 John 4:19 says,” We love because he first loved us.” God not just blessed me but my relationship with my father.

  Psalm 23:4 says,” Even if I shall walk in the valleys of the shadows of death, I will not be afraid of evil, because you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” My savior, my Lord not only save my life but rebuild my relationship with family. He is the one who never gives up helping me. Thanks God for giving me this opportunity to USA last summer. Even though I came by myself, I always knew that God is with me. I was blind in all the lies such as worthless, loneliness and so on. But now I could walk with Him. I was in terrible depression but now I know God will fight for me and always protect me. I am special; I am a masterpiece that God created. I am loved by God, my almighty savior!